One Terrific Turtle

There's a hole in my heart. That's what losing someone I love feels like to me--like someone actually has taken a part of me away. My amazing Grandmother Turtle died today. Lucky Ryn got to talk to her this morning when she called to sing Happy Birthday with Bob. I last talked to her on Sunday and she was on oxygen, breathing heavily between every few words. "I was always just going so fast, doing so many things....I never thought I'd actually get old....but I'm glad I did (tiny chuckle, then more labored breaths). Enjoy every moment, Kit. In every challenge think "'I'm so glad I get to experience this!'" My Kitten.....you're my Kitten.....I love you so much. And Ryn and Elle and Eden and that beautiful baby Darren. And hearing you and Kevin sing. Your voices just blend so beautifully!"

How thankful I am that Mom made the push to get all of Grandma's posterity there for her 95th birthday a month ago. All 4 of her children, her 12 grandchildren and 22 great grandchildren

The party was a grand affair, planned perfectly by Mom. She had a chart drawn up with spots for everyone in this picture so we could take it as quickly as possible, seating charts and name cards on the table, menu complete with mac and cheese for the kids, those two adorable turtle cakes, a little song/skit from each of our families, and then lots of music and dancing.

After church the next day, I had to stop by one more time to see her before we left to drive home. My little family went in and sang to her while she lay on the couch. The girls sang "I Know That My Savior Loves Me" and Kev and I sang "Au Jardin" and "Stop and Smell the Roses". We said goodbye to sweet Bill and Marion, too, and as we were leaving I wondered if that was the last time I'd get to hug my grandma and hold her lovely tiny hand. How I love that woman! I loved it when she would get excited about something and use her hands to show how beautiful something was. I love how she tried to keep learning and living life to the fullest right up to the end. 95 years of "getting to experience" every single thing possible.

I know I'll see her again. I know she lived a long and full life and is surely happy to be reunited with the people she has been missing (she outlived everyone she ever knew, basically), especially Grandpa Lynn. But I've been crying enough that Eden just had to tell me, "It's OK, Mom. We don't cry on birthdays. Everything is going to be OK." And it's true. I'm just going to miss that great woman until I see her again.

sock skating

this just made me happy. My three girls, holding hands, squeals of pure joy, smiles from ear to ear.

sock skating from kit linkous on Vimeo.

Gratitude

Mama KK came through for another huge crowd. This year's crowd numbered 29, I think. All eating and laughing and being thankful together in that little house in Centerville. How thankful I am for a mother whose arms are always open to everyone. My little brood of 6, John's family of 7, some neighbors of his, Rae and Conlon and his sister and niece, Spence and his 2 roomates and Emily. Mom shared a few great quotes at our huge dinner and here are my 3 favorites:

"The unthankful heart...discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings!" --Henry Ward Beecher

"We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures." --Thornton Wilder

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, and confusion into clarity...It turns problems into gifts, failures into successes, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."
--Melodie Beattie

How many heavenly blessings I have to be thankful for. How many treasures I have to be conscious of. Like Kevin doing the dishes last night because I fell asleep singing to the girls. Like sweet girls who love each other so much that I have time to write this while they play.
Like the delicious baby sleeping on my lap. I wish I could bottle how their heads smell.

We, of course, watched Albert Finney's Scrooge and Dad was so excited to have it on BlueRay. We all sang and danced and cried to the end. I love seeing my dad cry and squeeze Mom's hand on all his favorite parts (basically every scene :) ). Scrooge's change of heart gets to mine every time --"I'm alive! I've got a chance to change and I will not be the man I was. I'll begin again. I will build my life. I will live to know that I've fulfilled my life. I'll begin today, throw away the past. And the future I build will be something that will last. I will take the time I have left to live, and I will give it all that I have left to give. I will live my days for my fellow men and I'll live in praise of that moment when I was able to begin again. I will start anew. I will make amends and I'll make quite certain that this story ends /on a note of hope/ on a strong amen/ and I'll thank the world/and remember when/I was able to begin again!"

And as long as I'm recording quotes I love, I'm just going to add a few more from Scrooge and Co.:

from Marley after Scrooge said he had been a good man of business, "Mankind should be our business. But we seldom attend to it."

about his employer as a young man, "What a marvelous man! He has the power to make us happy or unhappy, to make our work a pleasure or a burden. It has nothing to do with money!"
Even though I'm not my children's employer, I have that same power and responsibility every day.

the whole happiness song that makes me think of Kevin every time:
"They say happiness is a thing you can't see, a thing you can't touch, I disagree.
Happiness is standing beside me. I can see him, he can see me.
Happiness is whatever you want it to be.
Happiness is a high hill. Will I find it? Yes, I will.
Happiness is a tall tree. Can I climb it? Watch and see.
They say happiness is the folly of fools. Pity poor me, one of the fools.
Happiness is smiling upon me, walking my way, sharing my day.
Happiness is whatever you want it to be.
Happiness is a bright star. Are we happy? Yes we are!
Happiness is a clear sky. Give me wings and let me fly! Let me fly...
For happiness is whatever you want it to be.

from the ghost of Christmas Present, "There is never enough time to do or say all the things that we would wish. The thing is to try and do as much as you can in the time that you have."

and "Life is good, life is fine, 'specially mine, which is just as it should be."

We've been watching it in the car because I wanted the girls to start knowing the music and there is nothing better than hearing their little voices, "thank you very much, thank you very much, that's the nicest thing that anyone's ever done for me" or "I like life, life likes me" ( "I yike yife" for Eden). We just have to steer clear of the "I hate people" line when we're in public.

Yes, life is good. "God bless us, every one."

our little author-in-the-making

We drove into our driveway at about 2:30 am Monday morning, exhausted from our amazing quick trip to California for my Grandma (their great-grandma) Turtle's 95th birthday and a bonus day at Disneyland. More about those things later. Even though it felt like pure cruelty to wake them up for school, I couldn't keep Ryn from the surprise that was waiting for her in her class--a 1st place trophy in the literature category of the Reflections contest! They had called to see if we would be at the awards ceremony last week. We were already on the road so they told me not to tell Ryn and they could present it to her in her class. Now her short story will go on to the regional level of competition. Students can enter with any art form they choose--music, dance, drawing, painting, photography, video, etc. The theme for all categories is "Diversity means..." and here is her prize-winning entry:

title page "Different is Better, by Kathryn Linkous"

page 1

page 2 --Love the heart exclamation points. I remember doing that exact thing when I was her age. And no one teaches that. Girls are just girls :)

page 3 (I especially love the colored heart around the word "home". When I asked her why she was coloring that word she said, "because it's a feeling." Yep, I started crying right there at our kitchen counter at 10:00 at night :) )

I feel just a few buttons popping when I look at this smiling face...

Motherhood

We had a great regional/conference a few weeks ago that was broadcast from the Conference Center. The speakers were Brother Beck, YM general president; Sister Dalton, YW general president; one of the seventies whose name just slipped my mind(and my sick little boy is sleeping on my lap so I'm not going to get my notes right now); and Elder Bednar, whose remarks were amazing. He spoke without any written/prepared talk about 3 things that he had been recently pondering and felt impressed to share with us.

1. The difference between testimony and conversion. testimony is knowledge we gain from the spirit that something is true and comes from God. Conversion is consistently conforming our lives--actions, choices, words--to what we know to be true. Obviously conversion is the goal for each of us, because as we become converted, we become like Christ. Our character, our very nature, starts to ressemble His.

2. The character of Christ. Elder Maxwell said something once when they were on an assignment together: "If not for the character of Christ, there would have been no atonement made." Elder Bednar had pondered that statement for years, trying to learn all he could about the character of Christ and why it was so crucial to our salvation. Basically, it came down to one thing--when faced with our deepest, most difficult trials, the natural man turns inward, but Christ, when faced with trials more difficult than we can even comprehend, turned outward. Elder Bednar said this is the ultimate goal of our our conversion.

3. The only way this change in our character is even possible is through the atonement. We cannot do it alone. But with Him, it is possible.

As I sat there listening, I thought, "wow. That is so wonderful that he was able to learn all of that from the Spirit as he studied and pondered. I really need to make more time for that in my life so I can be taught all that I need to learn."

As soon as we got home, the real life challenges of motherhood hit me again. Everyone needing something from me at the same time, food, diaper changes, dishes, whining, sister fighting, a two-year-old insisting on wearing the same tiny skirt and sparkly shoes she's been living in for the past week, etc. As I tried to hurry as fast as I could from one urgent need to the next (never fast enough for the next person in line which incited more whining :)), I couldn't help thinking with the slightest hint of bitterness, "Of course Elder Bednar was able to have all of that inspiration--he has TIME to ponder!" I immediately remembered one of my favorite quotes from conference. "Motherhood is what God gave you time for." And I remembered how much I am learning through every minute of chaos from these tiny, heavenly people. (So much that I've had the desire to write a book about it.) My job is to use every second with them to become who I need to be. Every time I respond with love, with patience, with humor, with gratitude, with selflessness, I am doing exactly what Elder Bednar talked about. I get the chance a million times every day to be a doer of the word. To experiment upon it and not just ponder it. I had many years to do only that and now... it's game time :). Can I consistantly DO the things I KNOW to be true? Can I turn outward in love when my tiny challenges seem overwhelming? Can I apply the atonement in my life so I can receive His help right now, in the midst of my becoming? I pray that I can be true in every way. For them.

August, September AND October funnies....not funny that I'm so behind

A few favorite vocabulary words--
taste bugs (Elle)
wep wipes (all 3 girls)
pat-er-ryn (pattern--Ryn)

Aug 4--We only let the kids have juice at breakfast or they would be drinking it all day long. Elle tried to teach Eden that water is good for us. Eden didn't really care about the health benefits: Juice makes me HAPPY! And only water makes me sad.

Aug 14--Elle was locked out of some room by Ryn and Eden and shouted, "Let me in, you cowards!"

Aug 16--Elle spilled something at one of our meals and started shaking her head, "It just didn't work out so good."

Aug 18--Ryn was upset with something Elle had done with her stuff and wasn't being very nice about it. I reminded her again that people are more important than things and Elle chimed in, "and I'm a people!"

Aug 25--Sometimes the pure sweetness of these kids just makes me cry. Every meal time is a race to see who can finish first--really just an attempt at getting Elle to finish eating in anything less than an hour. Ryn, who eats like an Ellis, is always done at least 30 minutes before Elle and often before she even gets started. Even though Elle knows what she needs to do to beat Ryn--just keep eating--and has succeeded before, she still gets sad when Ryn repeatedly wins the "race". On this morning, as Ryn was about to take her last bites, she whispered to me, "I'm going to have more cereal so Elle can beat me."

Aug 27--Getting ready for bed, Ryn and Elle had to teach me some specifics of being naked. SUPER naked is when you don't have anything on. Naked is when you're just down to your skivvy's.

Aug 31--Darren is continuously surrounded by loving big sisters. As Elle admired how cute he is, she must have said she wanted to marry him because Eden exclaimed, "You can't marry him! That's not a prince--that's Darren!" And Ryn came up with a term that describes Darren's predicament more often than not--"girl trapped"--when you have girls on all sides.

This was Ryn's first week of school and every day we keenly felt her absence. Eden would hug her tightly and tell her, "Ryn, I misted you!"

Sept 1--We often have talks about words that we don't say in our family. Idiot is one of them. Unfortunately, Kevin sometimes lets this one slip when someone offends him on the road. Elle called him on it and Ryn turned and explained, "We can only say idiot in the car with Daddy."

Sept 2--We are quickly learning that the bus is a dangerous place for innocent little girls. Ryn came home and said, "A boy on the bus asked me to marry him!" Kit: "What is his name?" Ryn: "I don't know." Kit: "You can't marry someone without knowing his name." Ryn: "OK, I'll find out his name next time."

Sept 4--It was a rare lazy Saturday morning and our whole little family was snuggling under a blanket together. Heaven. Then Ryn smiled at me and told me my breath was stinky. In the kitchen, hours later, Elle--our resident blood hound, announced, "I smell something stinky." Ryn called out from her coloring, "It's just Mom's breath."

Sept 29--Elle's prayers have been wonderful lately. "Please help Daddy get the money. Please help no one to be sick--the people we know and the people we don't know. Please help Mommy and Daddy to stay in their beds and not to sneak out to the gym. Please help Mommy not to forget things."

Oct 14--Mom was in Texas helping Rob and Christa with their new twins and so we invited Dad over for dinner. When we told the girls he was coming, Ryn asked, "Is Papa Stan going to play with us?" Kevin and I just looked at each other and smiled. We love you, Dad!

Oct 17--Eden is just so adorable right now. I had to write down a few of my favorite words she's saying, and all three of these I just happen to hear every time I help her in the bathroom.

Tow-yet (toilet)

Gank you, Mommy!

a big SKINKY

Oct 20--I was eating a treat while I was making dinner (the girls always have to wait until after they finish eating) and Ryn called me on it. "Why can you do whatever you want?" What was so funny to me was that she said it with no anger or resentment or sarcasm. It was just a simple question. Something she'd been wondering about. She didn't even ask if she could have a treat, too.

Oct 28--I was driving and Kevin leaned over and put his head on my shoulder while we were all in the car together. Ryn's comment from the back seat of the van reminded us why we're not liking the bus very much and prompted a very serious discussion when we got home. "That's what Ryan does to me on the bus." !?@#$@#%@$%!

Halloween 2011--3 princesses and the frog

Halloween for us is stretched out over several days. I can't imagine anything more fun for little kids whose mantra is "get candy. get candy." like mine was when I was little. In fact, my first full sentence was "I want candy."

The Monday before, we carved little pumpkins for FHE. I love all the different facial expressions so even though this looks like multiples, it's just a mommy that doesn't want to forget one smile. Ryn's pumpkin was a cyclops, Elle's was the classic triangle face, and Eden's is saying "Ye-hes!" like Daddy makes her say over and over because he loves watching her expressive munchkin face so much.






As for the parties:
First up--on the Saturday before Halloween, the trunk-or-treat at Mama KK's ward with Johnny and Co.




The actual day was crazy from start to finish. I helped with Ryn's class party and was going 90 miles/minute the whole time so I didn't get one picture :(. Elle had her preschool party at the same time so I didn't get to help out other than getting her all dolled up before dropping her off. Next it was running to the store to get more almond bark to melt for the apple balls we were going to dip in Ryn's class. Mom was sweet enough to come watch Eden and Darren while we partied the morning away. Then we sprinted to Kevin's party at Rhodes and up to Mom and Dad's to record more of their life history. On the way back for dinner and trick-or-treating in our neighborhood, we stopped by to see the Lehnardt's who gave the girls their gorgeous princess dresses this past May. Thank you, Michelle and Mary and the boys, for saving me from making costumes this year!!!


They may love the candy, but for me, there is nothing sweeter than those smiles!

Kindergarten--can this really be happening?

I woke Ryn up early this morning, after I watched her sleeping face for a few minutes wondering how this big, sweet, beautiful baby turned into this even bigger, sweeter, more beautiful girl. "It's time to wake up for your first day of school." Immediately, she smiled with her eyes still closed. We made her bed together and said a prayer and she chose her favorite outfit (thanks, Mary!) to wear.

Elle and Eden wanted to get dressed, too, so we could all go to the bus stop together. The whole time we were getting dressed and brushing hair, they all kept telling each other how much they were going to miss each other as they start this new chapter in our life. My little bubble is bursting today.

We prayed and ate breakfast and read scriptures and I will be praying all day and every day. There is a quote Kev and I found to put on t-shirts for our moms one Mother's Day that I'm really identifying with today.

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”

Now, instead of having my heart just walking around my house, by my side, in my back yard and maybe at a friend's house for little while, my heart is walking around Draper Elementary School!

Out the front door...





One of the big kids now...



One last sister hug before she goes....



Eden got a little smushed which is why she made this great face...



Talking with our friend, Henry, about wanting to walk home together...



Wide eyes watching the bus pull up to our stop...





It really is hard to see our first baby climb up those stairs on the big yellow bus. To let her go. And this is just the first of the many letting go's to come. But I look at that smile, so full of anticipation and joy, and I can't wait to see all the amazing things she will do in her life.

summer smiles and swimming lessons

Ryn and Elle loved taking their first swim lessons from a great lady in our neighborhood. No nonsense and so kind, Linda is the greatest teacher I could have ever imagined for these mermaids that have always feared the water.

what do you do with lemons?

In the middle of our fun home repair days, the girls decided they wanted to set up a lemonade stand. It actually turned out to be an amazingly fun distraction stretched over 2 days. Day 1: we made the signs,

...got the table and chairs ready, and then opened the door to see huge rain clouds on their way. So the girls just sat on the front step and caught rain drops on their tongues.

Ryn tried to teach Elle the exact method for correct raindrop catching.

Day 2: offered the perfect weather (HOT), so we tried again. It was so hot, though, that they started drinking all the lemonade themselves.

Cute Grandpa Tom showed up with an umbrella to shade the little saleswomen and be their first paying customer.

They actually ended up doing pretty well, thanks to all of our nice neighbors, and stayed out long enough for Eden to help a bit after her nap.

Don't know if any of them will end up in sales, but it made for one adorable sight out of my front window.