Wednesday, April 30, 2008

So Sweet

Well, I just wanted to write a quick update to set every one's mind at ease about my emotional state :). As I'd hoped, Conference was just the boost I needed and I received answers to every question, reassurances for every doubt, and strength from every message. Kevin spoiled me by keeping the girls at the hotel and letting me go to every session at the Conference Center with my family so I heard and felt every single word. I am so thankful for the blessings of the gospel. How could I survive the trials of life without the knowledge that a perfect, powerful and loving Father in Heaven will always hear and answer my prayers, teaching and guiding me with infinite patience and mercy?

Of course, there have been hard days this month even after the feast of conference, but my peace has been restored and I can see the big picture once again. Every minute I get to spend at home with these 2 beautiful, wonderful girls is a miracle and brings me so much joy. Elle is so completely adorable and WALKING now! Just last night, Ryn gave me a huge bear hug after her bath that lasted a wonderfully long time and said, reminding me again just how great this life is, "Sweet......soooo sweet". She is absolutely right.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Angels on camera

Here are some videos from the last few months since we're so far behind. You'll see that Ryn loves to sing and dance, Elle's smile and turbo crawl could melt a heart of stone, they absolutely love being sisters and we can't believe we're the lucky ones who get to be their parents!

Sorry we've abandonned our post for so long!

I realize that we have been seriously lacking in updates here, and apologize to all who care about what's going on chez nous. Life is wonderful, busy, frustrating, and fun. Kev and I have had several opportunities to sing in church lately, which is heaven. There are few things I love more than singing, and singing with the love of my life is the cherry on top of my life's cake. 4 weeks ago, we spoke, along with our friend, Brady Hunt, in a sacrament meeting based on the Atonement, and then sang "I'm Trying to Be Like Jesus". There is nothing better to sing or speak on, although my specific topic was really hard for me: Infinite Suffering. I learned, though, about several different aspects of the Savior's suffering that have deepened my gratitude for the Atonement even more. Like how Christ suffered the pains of Gethsemane again while on the cross, only this time His physical, emotional, mental and spiritual reserves had been stretched to the limit having already experienced Gethsemane, an entire night of abuse, and then the agony of crucifixion. Also, I was reminded that He was left entirely alone to endure this final, and most difficult, chapter of his mortal life. What was new to me was really thinking and learning about why He had to be alone. One reason was that it was a natural result of the effects of the sins he was paying for. And He had to understand completely what we would experience as a result of our transgressions (withdrawing ourselves from the Spirit of God) so that He could succor us in our afflictions. Anyway, there are many more precious insights I gained as a result of studying for this talk and I am truly grateful for the organization of Christ's church where we all have the chance to teach and be taught by each other. What a catalist for spiritual growth is the opportunity of preparing a talk/lesson where the Spirit can be and where "all are edified together".

The next weekend was Stake Conference and I was blessed (because Kev took care of the girls) to sing more amazing arrangements of hymns by Anne-Marie Hildebrandt (the one Kev and I sang the week before was done by her, too). She is our stake music director and a graduate of Julliard and just incredible. Saturday evening we had a group of 9 women that sang her arrangement of "Come, Thou Fount", with Anne-Marie at the piano. I felt like I was literally flying, which is what always happens to me when I'm singing or listening to really great music. Then Sunday morning I sang with the stake choir her arrangements of "I Need Thee Every Hour" and "I Believe in Christ". Linda's daughter played the violin for the first and the second was with the organ as the powerful closing hymn. Honestly, there is nothing that changes my heart more than feeling the Spirit through sacred music.

Easter was the next Sunday and we sang with our ward choir several beautiful songs, with a narration in between. Kev and I got to sing "This is the Christ", again accompanied by our favorite pianist friend, Linda. And finally, this past Sunday I got to sing "My Heavenly Father Loves Me" with Rachel down in her BYU ward. The funny thing there was that the amazing piano genius that accompanied us there was the brother of a missionary we had serving in our branch in Cholet this past year, Elder Oaks! The world really is a small place--especially in the church.

Outside of musical Sundays, life has had its ups and downs. Kev is happy working at the Rose Shop with his mom, creating gardening masterpieces, as well as doing personal training on his own. He put a post on Craigs List a few weeks ago "just to see" what kind of response he would get and it has been great!! He hopes to build up a big enough client base that he can just do that full time and he's on his way! He's had a hard time, though, dealing with my psycho mood swings. I've had a really hard few weeks, feeling like I just can't get this whole mothering thing right. I feel like I'm not organized enough, not fun enough, not patient enough, not creative enough, or just not enough to figure it out. But Kevin is infinitely patient with me. He tells me again and again that I'm doing great. That everyone feels like this sometimes. That I'll figure out what I really need to and the rest doesn't matter. That I'm already doing so many good things. (He's really good at stretching the truth.) And then I listened to the words I was singing. And then I read some articles in the Ensign that were written just for me. And then I looked again at my angel girls dancing and singing and giggling and smiling. And then I prayed and prayed for Heavenly Father to forgive me and to teach me. And then I talked to my wonderful sisters and sisters in law and friends. And then Mom and Dad came up for conference. And now I get to go to conference this weekend and listen to His answers for me personally through living prophets. I am so thankful. It's a wonderful life :).