Motherhood

We had a great regional/conference a few weeks ago that was broadcast from the Conference Center. The speakers were Brother Beck, YM general president; Sister Dalton, YW general president; one of the seventies whose name just slipped my mind(and my sick little boy is sleeping on my lap so I'm not going to get my notes right now); and Elder Bednar, whose remarks were amazing. He spoke without any written/prepared talk about 3 things that he had been recently pondering and felt impressed to share with us.

1. The difference between testimony and conversion. testimony is knowledge we gain from the spirit that something is true and comes from God. Conversion is consistently conforming our lives--actions, choices, words--to what we know to be true. Obviously conversion is the goal for each of us, because as we become converted, we become like Christ. Our character, our very nature, starts to ressemble His.

2. The character of Christ. Elder Maxwell said something once when they were on an assignment together: "If not for the character of Christ, there would have been no atonement made." Elder Bednar had pondered that statement for years, trying to learn all he could about the character of Christ and why it was so crucial to our salvation. Basically, it came down to one thing--when faced with our deepest, most difficult trials, the natural man turns inward, but Christ, when faced with trials more difficult than we can even comprehend, turned outward. Elder Bednar said this is the ultimate goal of our our conversion.

3. The only way this change in our character is even possible is through the atonement. We cannot do it alone. But with Him, it is possible.

As I sat there listening, I thought, "wow. That is so wonderful that he was able to learn all of that from the Spirit as he studied and pondered. I really need to make more time for that in my life so I can be taught all that I need to learn."

As soon as we got home, the real life challenges of motherhood hit me again. Everyone needing something from me at the same time, food, diaper changes, dishes, whining, sister fighting, a two-year-old insisting on wearing the same tiny skirt and sparkly shoes she's been living in for the past week, etc. As I tried to hurry as fast as I could from one urgent need to the next (never fast enough for the next person in line which incited more whining :)), I couldn't help thinking with the slightest hint of bitterness, "Of course Elder Bednar was able to have all of that inspiration--he has TIME to ponder!" I immediately remembered one of my favorite quotes from conference. "Motherhood is what God gave you time for." And I remembered how much I am learning through every minute of chaos from these tiny, heavenly people. (So much that I've had the desire to write a book about it.) My job is to use every second with them to become who I need to be. Every time I respond with love, with patience, with humor, with gratitude, with selflessness, I am doing exactly what Elder Bednar talked about. I get the chance a million times every day to be a doer of the word. To experiment upon it and not just ponder it. I had many years to do only that and now... it's game time :). Can I consistantly DO the things I KNOW to be true? Can I turn outward in love when my tiny challenges seem overwhelming? Can I apply the atonement in my life so I can receive His help right now, in the midst of my becoming? I pray that I can be true in every way. For them.